i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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