Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
