I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize