I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
