did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize