there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
