Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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