i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
