Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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