She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize