Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
