How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
