I hate all girls vehemently.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
