Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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