Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
