I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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