I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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