after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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