just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
