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hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize