If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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