I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
