My Higher Power is John Stamos
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize