Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
