drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
