So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
