I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so that wasnt chicken after all
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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