let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
