I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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