i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
