"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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