Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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