I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
