dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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