we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dicks are not precious.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
