the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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