remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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