I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
