Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
