my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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