my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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