That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
