you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
