i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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