I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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