Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
