ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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