remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
