she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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