I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
