your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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