somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You need a sexual gate keeper
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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