can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
