why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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