I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
