took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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