We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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