Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
