What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
