I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
