The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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